Serene Realizations

Serene Realizations

“Breathe in, breathe out… Breathe deep, and let your body relax”, I said to myself as I sat on the hill top. The view was absolutely breathtaking. It was worth the long journey.

Every day I would gaze at the hill, tapering like a pyramid, reaching for the skies. I tried to picturize the world from the hill’s eyes; “It must be grand” I thought. All the people that came down from the hill had a peaceful look on their face that masked their tiredness. Apparently, no one had ever been on the hilltop at night. Some were scared while others felt that the day was the best time to be up there.

One night, I decided to take a walk after an early evening dinner. I took the old path that went around the hill, a longer route, but mostly unexplored. As soon as the sun set, I started walking. Three-fourths of the hill’s base was surrounded by water; the remaining piece connected to a road to my village. I started walking along the river, watching fading shades of orange from the setting sun reflecting in the water. I must have walked halfway around the hill, when I saw a little boat tied to a pole by the river’s bank. I followed the divine sign, and made my way across the calm river. Now I was at the foothills, full of trees and a cool breeze kissing my face. I took my oil lamp and began walking up whatever pieces of a path I could find. Whether a long time passed or short, I do not remember, but the next thing I knew, I was at the top.

“There is a God, and I’m sure He fell in love with His own creation”, I whispered to myself. I spent all my life living at the foot of this hill, never realizing what I was missing. As I stood on the narrow piece of land, I looked up to see a starlit sky and the shining moon. Down below, I could see the river. With the stars’ reflections and moonlight, it looked like a shining ring decorating the hill. I sat down, folding my legs, gazing at the peaceful view around me; yes, peaceful… It was absolutely quiet. I felt like I was the last living soul on earth. “Breathe in, breathe out… Breathe deep, and let your body relax”, I said to myself, and closed my eyes in meditation. I must have fallen asleep, still sitting, because when I opened my eyes, I felt like I had awoken from a deep slumber of many days.

The silence was slowly broken by a gentle voice. It was a woman, whom I could not see clearly. She sat at a distance, probably not aware of my presence. She had a dim flickering oil lamp next to her, intermittently reflecting on her face in the distance. At first, she began humming, which seemed to swim with the breeze. The air was dancing to her tune. The humming slowly transformed into singing, the most melodious voice I had ever heard. The raga had the perfect frequency, tuning my heartbeats and breathing to a synchronous rhythm. I couldn’t move. As she reached the highest note, I shivered, and a little teardrop ran down my left eye. My emotions subsided as the pitch came back to a calm and fading end. I felt love… Love for life, love for nature, love for all of God’s creations. I sat there, paralyzed with the tune gradually fading in my mind. When I realized the silence around me, she was gone. I don’t know if she was real or a peaceful passing spirit, but her voice changed something inside me.

 

I knew I was alive…

I was in love with the beautiful night…

Path

As I walked towards the setting sun,

Darkness covered my path,

Slowly it cast a shadow,

My destination still afar...

Eyes wide open, couldn't see a thing,

Heart pounding, imagination running wild,

The unknown in the darkness haunted me,

The pouring rains wouldn't subside...

I slowly tread along this damp, dark path,

The weight on my back got heavier,

Yet I hoped for the ray of light,

To pierce the darkness, burn away my fear...

Waiting for the sun's warmth,

To soothe my cold, torn body,

Waiting for her loving, soft touch,

To bring me back to life...

Come life, bring me another challenge,

I'm ready...

Talk

Summer had arrived, green grasses, trees alive and a warm but pleasant breeze ran through the park. Squirrels and birds flocked and played with no care in the world. “I wish I had that life, full of freedom, free of worries”, I thought as I looked around for a nice comfy spot to sit. I finally picked a spot close to a little path running through the park. At first nobody noticed me, but as soon as I put up my cardboard signs, I saw some smiles as well as surprised faces. My signs were about 2 feet tall and 2 feet wide, with black text on a white background. They read,

“Will listen to you talk… for free”

The first two hours didn’t prompt any reaction bigger than a smile or a confused look. All I had with me were my signs, my iPod, and a smile on my face. Some people greeted me, and I wished them a nice afternoon too. Some just shook their head in hopelessness and walked by. Another hour passed, and finally a little girl walked up to me. Unable to hold her curiosity back, she asked me what I was doing. Smilingly I replied, “I am here if anyone needs someone to talk to.” “Talk about what?” she asked with a confused look on her face. “Anything and everything…” I replied, “…whatever the person wishes to talk about.” She smiled and ran off to play with her friends. This was the only conversation I had the whole day, but I was glad someone showed interest in talking to a stranger.

With the little girl’s conversation in my mind, I chose the same spot in the park the next day. The day began with another long wait for a couple of hours, listening to my music, looking at birds, squirrels and people. One might think I had nothing better to do in life, but I knew my purpose. An elderly gentleman was sitting not too far from where I was. A few stares later, he closed the book he was reading, and walked over to me. “Good afternoon!” he greeted me, and I greeted him back, asking him how he was. He did not reply with the usually expected responses like “Fine, thank you” or “Good”. Instead, he replied, “Confused and amused”. I was happy to receive a different response from him; I had silently triggered a thought in his mind. He willingly sat next to me, took a long look at me, and asked, “Tell me son, is this what you do for a living?” Laughingly I replied, “No sir, I just felt like connecting with someone”.

“So you just decided to come to the park and look for someone to talk to?”

“If it interests you, I’m up for a casual chat.”

The confused gentleman looked around, thought for a few seconds, and turned to me, “What do you want to talk about?”

“It’s not what I want to talk about. It’s what you want to talk about.”

“Why would I want to talk to you about anything? I don’t even know you.”

“Well sir, your curiosity brought you to me and we had a 5 minute conversation. You had some questions to ask me, and I answered them. That’s what I call a random conversation with a stranger, and that is exactly why I am here every day.” I just couldn’t hold back my smile when I saw the big question mark on his face. And then he burst out laughing, “That makes no sense to me, but I like it. I could never imagine doing something so silly, but it made me laugh; thank you for making my day.”

“I am glad I could add to your happiness sir. Have a wonderful day.” We shook hands and he went back to his bench, reading his book, still smiling.

Two days gone, and I touched two people’s lives… With a happy heart, I was lucky to find the same spot on the third day. The same elderly gentleman was sitting in the same spot as yesterday, perhaps to see me again. He waved and smiled at me, and I returned the gesture. Towards afternoon, a group of 4 young girls walked up to me. Giggling, they asked, “Will you listen to anything we say?” I could see through their prank filled eyes, but played on. After 45 minutes, I knew most of their classmates in college, and all about their relationships. Oh, I also came to know about some good discounts at the mall. I listened to everything they said, but found it difficult to transfer everything to memory; too much information in very little time. The girls left with their fill of afternoon amusement, and I went back to listening to my music.

The same day, a middle aged woman came and sat next to me. She didn’t look too happy. She turned to me, looked at my cardboard signs, and exclaimed, “Are you serious?” “Well, I could keep it casual if you prefer.” I replied. With a half-hearted smile, she turned and sat comfortably, facing me. Realizing her curiosity and willingness to talk, I started the conversation, “What was it? Annoying boss, bad day at work, or both?” “I don’t know even know where to start”, and she let out all her frustration about workplace politics, mean coworkers, and a not-so-appreciating boss. After listening to her for 15 minutes, I asked her when she last took a break from work. She couldn’t remember. “Here’s a plan. Why don’t you spend a nice hour at the spa and relax? It’s Friday anyway. And then, if you have the time, drive down to the mall. A friend told me about some pretty good promotions that you might find interesting.” Her face lit up, realizing she actually had a couple of hours of free time that evening to pamper herself. Smiling, she shook my hand and thanked me.

As days passed, I got a chance to talk to more interesting people. We spoke about a plethora of topics including wedding plans, vacations, break-ups, financial issues, and many casual 5 minute chats. I was surprised to see some folks coming back for seconds and thirds. The elderly gentleman came back and spoke about his life, his children and grand children. A music student played his song to know my opinion. He was self-conscious to play it in front of his friends and teacher. I told him that if he didn’t play it in front of the people who mattered, he’ll never realize his true potential.

My two week vacation finally came to an end, but left me refreshed and ready to take on the world. I realized that somehow, I had developed a comforting aura around me which gave people a sense of safety. Over time, people weren’t too hesitant to talk to a random guy in the park, and I found my conversation skills improving as well. These were constructive two weeks. My perspective of looking at people was changing too. A lot had been happening in my life. Not that I don’t like change, but it just wasn’t the change I was expecting. However, after talking to all these people, my cynicism changed to a new ray of hope. People have worse problems than we can imagine. We all deal with happiness and sadness of varying amplitude at some point in our lives.

Another thing struck me. I had made new friends out of strangers. If I ever felt lonely, all I had to do is pick a good day and go sit on my favorite park bench.

Learning to fly

Standing at the edge of the cliff, I stared at the beautiful view of the sunset. It was as if the sun was getting ready to take a dip in the ocean. It reminded me of the time when I came home after a hard day’s work, took off my clothes, and slowly immersed my body in the water for a relaxing bath. The sun was slowly immersing itself below of the view of the waters after a long day, working hard to brighten our lives. I came here every day, stood on the same spot, and enjoyed the view. Then, I hesitated jumping off the edge, and walked back home, disappointed. “I’m going to do it someday… someday!” I told myself. It was the same story every single day.

I had recurring dreams and daytime visions of me flying high in the skies, looking down at the valley, farms and the little brook that flows outside my little home. Hesitation led to lack of confidence, and eventually doubting my own existence. I didn’t have the heart to share this with anyone. The fear of looking weak coupled with the desire to prove myself to my critics, cocooned my thoughts deep inside my already burdened mind. I tried to fly a few times, leaping off small heights, only to hurt myself. I hadn’t even grown the wings, and I thought I was a natural at it. My pride had gotten the better of me.

Day after day, I lived my life ordinarily, just like every other person I knew. I had come to believe that mundane days were the way of life. However, another side of me kept contradicting me, pushing me to break free of the shackles, egging me to leap once more. This contradictory feeling began tearing me apart, and I went to the cliff’s edge every day, just to soothe this conflict. I knew I was special, and there was some meaningful purpose to my existence. But how do I find it? And if I do find it, what do I do to fulfill it?

As I began getting sick of myself, I spent more time at the cliff’s edge, sometimes thinking of leaping off, not to fly, but to fall… the pain was getting overwhelming. But the voices inside me pulled me away. I trudged back home, disappointed as usual. I had another problem. Unlike most people, I found it very difficult to release pain from my body. My people live by a fine thread of emotional balance. They let feelings control them, just so they feel compassion and love, but balance it with a strong heart to believe and live by practicality and reason. This perfect balance gave them a radiant aura that they carried everywhere they walked. We are our world’s protectors of the intangible power of balance. Without this balance, the world will perish. The better our own balance of emotions and light, the stronger the people get. This strength enveloped the world in safety. My struggle to make peace with my inner self was causing grief to my people. I just couldn’t balance myself, causing my aura to dim every day. If I told anyone that I was meant to fly, they would probably think I am losing my mind. No one would have believed me. After all, not everyone is meant to fly, and those who are, can do it without hesitation. They at least had wings. I had neither the confidence, nor the wings; I only had my heart.

With emotions bottled up, and no way to relive them, I ran to the cliff’s edge, raging and fuming, blaming everyone and everything I ever knew. I held them all responsible for my failures. I began suffocating, breathing heavily… I took off my clothes and let the evening breeze tickle my body. As all emotions surged, and thoughts whirled across my mind, my breathing got heavier… finally, I lost the strong grip I had over myself, and let out a very loud scream… a deafening scream that resonated in the void between me and the waters below. I screamed hard and long, till finally a tear slipped out of my eyes. This was the first time I had cried in a very, very long time; it was as if I had forgotten how to. The warm tear broke me down, and I wept for as long as I could. I didn’t stop… I couldn’t stop. I just kept on bawling like a child in pain. I thought I had cried a river.

As I gradually calmed down with a mix of happiness and sorrow, well, happiness from releasing the pain from within, I began feeling lighter. My breathing became normal. I felt rejuvenated, as if I was reborn in some new form. Facing the evening sun, still fully visible, I sat down and closed my eyes to meditate. Sensible realizations filled up my mind. I realized there was no one to blame for my pain. I was responsible in one way or the other, to let grief get the better of me. I now understood the need for balance between emotions and reason. A few moments later, I began opening my eyes slowly, only to feel a strong light shine around me. As I looked down at my body, I saw myself engulfed in a bright, white light… I had found my aura… I was now one of my people. This transformation of body and soul triggered a thought in my mind, “Can I fly?” I knew there was one way to find out.

I was back on the edge of the same cliff, but as a different person… a newborn without any fear or doubt. I looked at the sky, then the waters below, and jumped off the cliff. I fell straight down, head first. I was still falling down, along the length of the really high cliff, when I felt a tight pull in my muscles. I felt a sharp tear in my back. In the blink of an eye, two large, white feathered wings broke out. They spread out to full length and catching all the air around them. My body suddenly turned sharp, and now I was floating parallel to the waters below. Shrieking with happiness, I flew over the water, the cliff, and over my village. I felt like I was one of the birds, floating gracefully over huts and houses, and all land and water below me. I flew the whole evening, tirelessly, till the sun set and went to sleep. I finally landed in the middle of a crowd of amazed, but exuberant folk. We all hugged, held hands, and laughed heartily. All our auras transformed into a bright ball of light, lighting up the starry night. That night, we all felt stronger, and the world just became a better place to live for all…

I had found the purpose of my existence…